I Will Rise

So this week has been completely insane and I’m not completely sure why it has been. I started this week off in a pretty good mood. I was actually looking forward to things but by Wednesday this was all blown up and on Thursday I realised I had been living a lie. I had been completely unaware that I was the topic of some social media drama. That part of private messages I had sent had been screen shot and posted out of context. I was being blamed for something that had happened purely by accident, that even though it was an accident I was trying to fix while all this was going on. The worst part was that the person doing all this was meant to be my friend. Now this post isn’t about this person but about the aftermath of something that should have stayed between two people but somehow became this big thing that ended up loads of other people. If you are one of these people I am sorry that this happened and became something it really shouldn’t have.

Of course when I found out what was happening I was hurt and upset. I felt like a right idiot, as while I was looking into ways to fix this problem, all sorts of nasty things were being said about me and my husband on social media. The thing is in the version of events that was told, of course I was the villain. However in my version a different person plays that role. So to my point. There are always two halves to a story. One person’s version is not what happened. The truth lies somewhere in the middle of the two people’s perspective. It is hard to get out of your own head and see things from another point of view especially in the heat of the moment; however for those who jumped on the bandwagon to bad mouth me, were not there in the heat of things. They have no idea what actually happened. They only have one person’s side of the story which is not the complete truth. I would like to think my version of events is more truthful but I also realise I will still be biased. Only those who were there no what happened and I don’t like the way things happened.

I have come to realise that this person has got something going on with them and is slightly unhinged. This doesn’t make what happened okay. My mental health issues have never been an excuse for bad behaviour. They may explain why I reacted in a certain way but it doesn’t excuse me from acting badly. Once I have had time to reflect I will go apologise, like most people would.  I do not think this will happen in this case. It just means I have some understanding as to why this has happened. Not that it really makes me feel any better. What has helped is me getting this out rather than keeping it in. My usually reaction to something like this would be to withdraw from the world but I don’t want to do that. This whole incident has brought out a side of me that I really don’t like. It is a side of me that hasn’t surfaced in a very long time. A side of me that is ugly and I have kept under lock and key. I have been beating myself up for letting this side loose and feel  I have taken major steps back in my recovery but I won’t let this keep me down. I will rise above it.

I am drawing a line in the sand and moving forward. No more looking back. The past is what it is. We can’t change it but we can learn from it and grow. I am done beating myself up over this. I have come to realise we really are all the villains in someone’s story. However this is now my story and I’m taking control of it. I will rise.