Do you ever just feel like you are just going through the motions? Just chugging along through your day, doing what you are meant to but not really participating. Almost like you are on the edge of everything watching yourself work. It’s a weird feeling, almost like you’re split it two.
The kids have just gone back to school and it’s meant to be this big relief. They are now the teachers problem, they have something to fill their day and tire them out. This isn’t how I feel. I have conflicting emotions about this. I am happy for school to be back. The children need the routine of it. They have missed their friends. They also just needed a break from each other. The summer holidays were just too long for them. By the last week I could tell they were just bored as we slowly ran out of things to do. But at the same time I miss the chaos of them being at home. I also just feel like I have blindly slipped back into a routine without thinking. Just going through the motions. Doing what is expected of me, without thinking about what it is I want to be doing.
I have decided this needs to change. I’m not going to just do things because it’s what others expect me to do. Of course I can’t just stop all my daily routines. I mean the kids still need to get to school. But I am going to change things up a bit and add things into my life that are for me. I’m going to stop constantly thinking about what others think of me because their opinion doesn’t matter. I don’t need to just go through the motions numbly because if I did something different someone might give me a nasty look. If they don’t like real me then I don’t want them in my life. My children will always come first but that doesn’t mean I have to be last on my list of priorities.