As the title suggests this post is a bit of rant. You have been warned.
You know what I’m sick of? People constantly telling people that there experience didn’t happen or that they misunderstood the intentions of the person. This is really annoying and unhelpful. You are actually defending the person that did them wrong by making up excuses for what happened. You are making them question their sanity. You are also calling them stupid as they just simply didn’t understand the situation.
The thing is none of this is true. The problem actually lies with you. The person they are telling their experience. Why has this person story made you feel defensive. If you are uncomfortable about the situation imagine how they felt when that was happening about them. Whether it be someone telling a story about, racism, sexism, homophobia or transphobia, do not tell the person that it is not true because they misunderstood the situation, or you’ve never expereinced so it isn’t true.
As someone who has experienced both racism and sexism, I do know how to read a situation. I don’t jump to racism as the first excuse as to why something is happening. My first thought is always, what have I done. I question myself first. I look at my behaviour and when I can’t see how my actions have made a person act the way they do, only then do I turn to other reasons as to their behaviour.
I am constantly checking myself as not to be seen as too loud, to fidgety, or suspicious looking. I am always conscious of my surroundings and rein in my behaviour. But this isn’t good enough, because I then get accused of being stuck up for being too quite. My silence has been taken as me not liking someone but when I speak up and voice my opinion, im told i’m too aggressive. I can’t win.
Recently Meghan and Harry have been in the news again. Full disclosure, I don’t particular like these two. I find them annoying but I do not hate on them. I didn’t care about their interview but the respose to it is atrotious. The way people are spewing hate towards this woman and blaming her for everything is very triggering for me. Some of the things Meghan Markle spoke about I can relate to. I have been in similar situations and had similar things about race questioned to me.
Like I said I’m not a fan. You are also entitled to not be a fan of them and that dosn’t mean you are racisnt. What is wrong is the amount of hate focused particularly on her. This is is where racism and sexism come into it. There are certain groups of people that are just attacking her. Making everything that has happened her fault. They are a couple they both made these decisions. Harry is a grown man, he isn’t some love sick puppy. He made his choice. So if your gonna hate on her you need to hate on him as well, as their so called ‘crime’ is the same.
Similar things have happened to me. My husband has disagreed with someone and somehow it was my fault. He has literally had some tell him to stop letting me reply to his messages from him that I knew nothing about. Him disagreeing with them was his own choice. He made up his mind on his own that he didn’t like what was happening and spoke up.
This is a societal issue that we all need to work on together. There is no simple fix but what I know is that we can’t not talk about the issues. People saying stop talking about race, drive me crazy. The day racism isn’t an issue is the one we we will stop mentioning. That isn’t today. The say goes for sexism, transphobia etc. The UK has a massive issue with inequality, we have just been really good at sweeping it under the rug. This does not mean every single person in the country is a racist. far from it. But we are not moving forward by not calling these things out. The people who minimise or deny others experiences, may not outwardly practice these prejudice views but by making excuses or turning a blind eye you are enabling those that do.
At the heart of it all education is key. The next generation is already more tolerant than the last. We want to keep going in that direction instead of going backwards. Which is what it feels like is happening at the moment. We need to push forward for a better future. We need to listen and take on board what others are saying. Take a breath, don’t get defensive, it’s not an attack on you. Just listen to us, all we want is t be heard.